New tactic

1 sleeping baby this afternoon

Second sleeping baby

The above photos were taken a few minutes ago. Yes, I have two thumb-suckers that are addicted to their taglets. Zoe did have a dummy, gave it up very easily but then started to suck her thumb. Ava refused to ever take a dummy. Ava only ever sucks her thumb when she’s sleeping and Zoe is pretty much the same, although when Ava was little she sucked her thumb whenever she was touching Ava. Sometime I’ll have to tackle giving up the thumb but not just yet.

I had a fairly long weekend as Chris had a congress on all weekend. The weather wasn’t great either so we couldn’t play outside too much or go to the beach. We did go to the beach on Friday and had a wonderful time. I was looking after a friend’s two children as well and everyone was very well-behaved so the afternoon went by very quickly.

We have 2 good friends that are orthopaedic surgeons (well, one is still finishing his training) but they were both down for the congress as well as it was a hand congress. I went to visit the one’s wife on Saturday. Her parents live in PE and so she came down to visit them. They’ve just had their 3rd little girl (at the beginning of August) but she is a very laid-back mom so seemed to be taking it all in her stride. Then last night we had a braai with the friend that’s still busy doing his specialist training and other friends that he also knows in PE. Those friends have a 7 week old little boy, so all-in-all lots of babies this weekend and I didn’t feel the slightest twinge of broodiness. The friend that is still specialising has 2 adopted children, a boy just older than Ava and a girl of 4. They have tried unsuccessfully to have biological children and I must say they are one of only 2 couples that I know IRL that have not succeeded in having biological children. I feel so unbelievably sad for them as all she ever really wanted to be was a mom and he is one of Chris’s closest friends and you can see that it isn’t easy for him either. I am not saying for 1 second that they don’t love their adopted children as their own (or that she isn’t a mom) but it is obvious from chatting a bit to him that it is bitterly disappointing. They have spent enormous amounts of money and it is a very difficult, lonely journey and although we (the wife and I) shared our experiences a lot when we were also trying (we were at the same clinic) it is hard for me to find the right things to say when cycle after cycle fails and when every other person they seem to know doesn’t give a second thought to the falling pregnant part. They did a GIFT recently which failed but have 3 good embryos frozen on day 5/6 from that cycle. Their embryos have never reached day 5 before, so one just never knows but that frozen cycle will be their last. She is 5 years older than he is and will be turning 40 at the end of the year. The FS has hinted about donor eggs but she doesn’t really see the point as then she’d rather adopt another baby. They didn’t do a private adoption so have had a very nice, but pretty incompetent social worker handling their adoption. The husband was telling us that when they went to court the other day to try and finalise the adoption the magistrate was incredibly rude and very abruptly said, “You’re English”, to which he replied no. “Since when?” Since I was born here. “Well, one of you is English”. He then called the social worker into his office. It turns out that with the new child act because the wife is British, the British government must send a letter saying that they recognise the adoption so that if for some reason she returned to England, the British government would accept the child. The rule is perfectly understandable but he could have explained it in a nice way without being so rude. If the social worker was competen, then the adoption should have been made official long before the new child act came into effect (he is 15 months old already and they’ve had him since he was 6 months). They now need to wait for the letter from England which will take 2 months before they have to see this rude magistrate again. The amazing thing is that eventhough they’d adopted before, so were obviously screened already, they decided to adopt on the Thursday and by the follwing Friday they’d taken him home, so it just shows you how many babies are waiting to be adopted and then one gets put through that amount of grief.

Anyway, back to the title of this post. I always keep forgetting about what makes my child tick. Praise the good, praise the good, praise the good and ignore the bad (if you can). I keep forgetting this and it just feels like I’m speaking to a brick wall – “stop whining, say please, say thank you, say hello, etc., etc.” until I feel like that’s all I say all day and I’m the only one saying please and thank you. The solution is so simple it’s a wonder that I keep forgetting. Out comes the reward chart and instantly I have a new child that’s trying to find things to say thank you and please for and even trying to get a sticker for greeting the dogs. Zoe is just like her dad, doesn’t respond at all to being treated “negatively”. Ava I have no idea about. She is just plain naughty and just laughs when I try and discipline her. I am rather naughty as I know they say you shouldn’t use food as a reward as it can lead to all sorts of eating issues later in life but I’m afraid that is what Zoe responds to and so a Fizz Pop is her reward for a whole row of stickers!!!


4 Responses to “New tactic”

  1. Sharon Says:

    Your girls are just gorgeous!

  2. coachmarcia Says:

    Yip, your girls are gorgeous! I think they look so sweet sleeping – I’m too scared to even venture near them with a camera 🙂

    Thanks for all your lovely comments on my posts.

    P.S. I’m from PE originally 🙂 and miss the beach oh so much. Hopefully we can swing a holiday down in December.

    • zamom Says:

      Thanks for the comments. Any sleeeping child is a beautiful sight of course but I was amazed at how similar they looked. I was also trying to wake them both up, and even the flas of the camera in their faces didn’t work!!!

  3. coachmarcia Says:

    P.S. it’s me from

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